Why is it as I stare out into the forest ahead I’m still full of with pain and suffocating emptiness.
I’m sitting on a metal chair with a pillow on top to soften the hard cold texture, but still I can feel the solid rock like material pressing against my legs. With one headphone in I can indulged in my cheerless music and still embrace the silence that surrounds me. The dead air is only broken by the occasionally bird flying past the vila.
With the sun beating down on me the irregular breeze hit me as a little gift, cooling my sticky skin. My letters on my mac becoming little pockets of fire and I tap away breaking the sound of nothingness.
While sitting out on the balcony I pause looking out at the old barn with timber and logs neatly placed in the pockets under the tiled roof. Ivey covering half the ridged stoned wall. Behind the edge of the glimmering swimming pool is visible, with the blazing sun directly above it in the clear blue sky. The perfect summers day yet my chest is frosted over. The ice spearing like a cancers cell around my body.
As I look up at the golden sun the idea of getting my Ray-ban’s pops into my head, and as quickly as it dose it takes me back. My mind blank I hurtle into a lamp post, my car Instantaneously stop my body flung forward like a doll a child has just thrown, a load thud and then a crack and the exploiting of dust hits my face followed by the airbag hitting my square in the chest I’m pushed backwards and sit there with the powder floating around my car.
Panic feels my body as i look out at the woodland. I remind myself I’m in France, i’m safe. But as the panic leaves me i feel up with emptiness. The feeling of nothingness. Like a bottle of sparkling water that was once full and glistening with bubble, now a empty crumpled bottle with the label slightly torn off. The feelings of not just embarrassment and shame but also the distress of losing my car. Something that i owned with true delight. Something that I was so proud of, i’ve now lost because of stupidly and lack of strength to beat the illness. Taking a deep breathing in I wince, from the pain in my stern. I stop. I just look out blankly, focusing on the two black dress’s on the washing line, slowly swaying in the wind, like there dancing tougher. Then I hear my mother laughing from the pool looking beyond the dancing dresses i see her in the pool, her arms laying crossed over on the edge of the pool. Hair up in a high bun stop stop it from getting wet she’s talking to Louise, I can distally hear the chatter whistling past my ears followed by the softness of laughter. Nevertheless the tranquillity it destroyed as the sound of my name faintly get picked up by wind and pinches my ear. Immediately I believe the worse, there discussing the crash. Again my mind goes back in time. My limp powerless body being launched forwards, the abrupt blast of the horn as my cheast smahes into the string wheel and then the air bags exploding into my nose and slapping my body backwards. Then stillness, only power floating around like the firework after the loud bang and there sparks are slowly disappearing into the dark night sky.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s